jMcJohnson

Lyrik Thomas Lilley…sweet adorableness!

This has baffled me for some time. Have you ever heard of a place called Kumon? Apparently it’s some sort of tutoring center for kids who need help with their schoolwork. Good idea, right? Helping kids with learning disabilities, encouraging students to work hard, helping girls like math, etc. So why in the hell does their logo look like this?

Now, my research tells me that the guy who invented this method/center has the last name of Kumon (he’s Japanese). Fine. Use your name. You’re proud, I get it. However, this logo is unacceptable for the following reasons:

1. First of all, why in the hell does it have a disappointed looking face in the logo? Like your kid doesn’t already feel bad enough that he/she has a full day of school and then EXTRA school because they can’t understand adverbs? Why not a smiley face (You can do it!)? A winking face (You Got It, Dude!)? Even a confused face (What The Hell Is Algebra Anyway?) would be better than the flat face of disappointment that they probably already see from their parents every day. Why?!

2. Why is the name of the business split by the face so it looks like Kum On? As in:
-What do you mean you don’t understand clauses Johnny?! COME ON!
-You suck at school! COME ON! We’re going to the learning center!
-COME ON! How many times do I have to explain quadratic equations to you, you dumb dummy?

3. Kumon also sounds vaguely dirty. That’s all I’ll say about that.

This is the worst logo I have ever seen. I could never take my imaginary children to a place that thinks that this logo best represents their business. What were these people thinking?

1. I really enjoy pointing out misspellings and grammar errors. Both out loud and silently to myself. Pretty much any printed material I see the first thing I do is spell/grammar-check it. It’s really quite surprising how many mistakes you can find on material that (you would think) would be proofed. Then I chuckle to myself, like a complete dick.

2. In the grocery store (or any store in general) I am nice/polite on the outside and on the inside I am SCREAMING at people for being such idiots/for being so slow/for being so dumb/for having so many screaming kids that are acting insane. Passive aggressive dick-style.

3. Not refilling the ice trays after using all the ice except for one cube. Total dick move.

4. Drive my car until it’s on “E” knowing that when Ryan gets in the car to go somewhere and it’s running on fumes he will fill it up. Especially when it’s really cold. What a dick!

5. Put back items in a store in the wrong place because I am too lazy to take them back where they belong. I am ashamed to say I did this earlier today, in fact. Someone once told me that this practice is acceptable because it is job security for the people who have to put incorrectly placed items back. That person was probably a dick too.

6. Put my ice cold feet under Ryan’s legs/back when I need to warm them up in bed. He says nothing; but if he did it to me I would be pissed. Why yes, I am a dick; thanks for asking.

Ryan and I are in the middle of another Spring Break musical theatre workshop with eight kids from KCYA (8-4 daily. We are tired; but then again so are you.) They are almost done writing their show. It has, so far, been tremendous as usual.

Basic plot synopsis is as follows: a rich old lady adventurer/explorer (she once allegedly fought a grizzly bear) goes missing/presumed dead on her latest escapade. Her family and friends gather for the reading of the will. Some of them are greedy (duh) some of them are nice (double duh) all of then have a song they’d like to sing. In the end…well, guess what? The old lady is maybe not dead! And maybe the rotten relatives learn a lesson or two! And maybe they sing a song all together about loving your family/friends! Hurrah!

Characters:
Aunt Ruth-potentially deceased old lady explorer
Diane-her greedy assistant
Daphne-her greedy niece
Tommy-her sweet old brother
Elma & Louise (get it?!)-her insane old lady neighbors
Amelia-her nice niece
Celia-a sassy reporter covering the story (note: there is ALWAYS a reporter in any musical I am a part of)
Charles Matson-goofy lawyer who has mommy issues
Cashew B. Lesshu-the salsa dancing psychic medium they hire to try to contact the old lady

Fantastic huh? Even better than all that is the title. I am a notoriously awful title-er; and I came up with a great (ie: HORRIBLE) one today that the kids ACTUALLY PICKED TO BE THEIR TITLE. Their musical is called “Ruth-Less!” Get it? Because Aunt Ruth is missing, so they are technically Ruth-less? And her ungrateful family will stop at nothing to get her money so they are ruthless? DOUBLE MEANING boo-ya!

I suck.

MUSICALS-4-LIFE!

I have little to no knowledge of the graphic novel/comic book world (Aaack! Are they the same thing? Incomparable? I have no idea) but I have always been intrigued by it. Mostly because when I lived in St. Louis I worked with a guy who was majorly into comics; every week he would have some random graphic novel he would be reading instead of helping me deal with the insane kids at the Catholic school we were supposed to be working at. One day I asked what he was reading and he showed me the book. It was a graphic novel/comic book about the lives of the saints; each saint was drawn by a different artist. Now, you may or may not know that I have a mild obsession with saints (and nuns too) so this book made me think graphic novels were amazing and that I should maybe possibly get into them. Then about a month later he never came back to work and I forgot to start loving comic books.

But I digress.

We saw Watchmen on Saturday. Like I said, I know nothing of the genre or this story in particular; and while the movie definitely had its flaws, there was a lot of stuff I liked about it. Here is my un-educated review of the film.

Stuff I Did Not Like

1. Length of Film/Too Much Info
Three hours? This thing should have been two movies that were each two hours. There was not a second to breathe in this film-it was information packed at every turn. My years of writing for Lovewell have taught me that when a script is just one plot point bumping into another, the audience just can’t take everything in. I really would have appreciated a little time to breathe/reflect on what was happening; I missed some of the nuances of the movie thanks to this.

2. The Music
This kinda makes both lists. When it worked it was cool. When it was bad, it was just…bad. Too much of the music was just hitting you in the face with “HEY! We’re making a POINT over here!!!” The frightening live Cohen version of “Hallelujah?” It made me laugh (of course that could have also been the weird-ass sex scene it was supposed to be “accenting”). I seriously think there should be a moratorium on ever using this song in a movie ever, ever again. Stick a fork in it, it’s done.

3. Dr. Manhattan’s Mars Sculpture
What the hell was this? Why did it break? Why Mars? I don’t have the answers.

4. Character Development?
I really wish I could have connected emotionally with these characters. I just couldn’t. I loved Rorschach, but I still didn’t have a rounded idea of who he was. Again, just too much stuff crammed in too small a space.

5. Blue Penis
Why? Just…why? Why did he wear a codpiece in Vietnam and it had to be nudie-town when he chillaxed on his own? He wore clothing on the TV show; clearly he knows our conventions. Or at least why couldn’t he have Ken-like genitals? Seriously, why?

Stuff I Liked

1. Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach
Wow. He was fantastic! I really like him as an actor and his personal life story makes it easy to root for him. He had the craziest eyes…I just thought he was great. I liked his character the best too; moral absolutism is interesting to watch.

2. Opening Sequence
I loved the tableaus during the credits. I know most people hated them, but I am a sucker for Dylan (I loved the music during the tableaus; it seemed bizarre and out of place not unlike the superheroes themselves in the Watchmen world) and I thought that the whole “evolution of the superhero” as shown was really cool. They were a tad long, but overall it made me feel intrigued and sympathetic for the characters I was about to meet.

3. The Gore
It was horrifying but kinda awesome too. Sawing someone’s wrists off? Slow-mo bullet through the leg? A gallon of blood pouring under a door? Ok, sure!

4. The Elk/Zebra/Tiger Hybrid
What the hell was this?! I wanted it to eat someone or do something exciting but instead it just got radiated (?) with Dr. Manhattan for no apparent reason. Did it die? I have no idea. Whatever, it was kind of cool.

5. The Visuals
The glass of the window breaking when the Comedian was thrown through was amazing to see. There were several great visual moments that stuck out to me. These were some of the only things that made it possible for me to sit on my increasingly numb ass for three hours.

6. Overall Ideas
I love stories about people trying to fit in after they have outlived their usefulness in their former roles. I think this was one of the main ideas of this movie and I am always intrigued by art that explores it. I also loved the phrase “Who Watches the Watchmen?” It’s kind of like asking “Who Takes Care of God?” I enjoy that idea as well. Also, I liked the non-cut-and-dried-ness of the heroes/villains, as I am a fan of having to think when I see movies (sometimes).

I totally get why people loved this movie, I totally see why they hated it. I really want to hear from one of my more graphic novel-y educated pals who knows more about Watchmen who can enlighten me with their opinion.

Ryan and I have taken to texting each other random lyrics from this little piece of advertising brilliance.

Today I had about an hour in the car (driving, not just sitting in there being weird or anything) and Oprah had a great interview on her XM station that I had to share. This was Oprah’s “Soul Series” which is this show where she interviews people to talk about spirituality/metaphysics. Usually it’s pretty good; authors and spiritual teachers and stuff like that, so I decide to see who was on today. The show starts and she announces the guest…and it’s Rainn Wilson (Dwight from “The Office”).

I was extremely confused. Dwight Shrute? Spirituality? Huh? But the interview was fantastic! He is a member of the Bahai faith (learn more here) which is basically the idea that all spiritual roads lead to one God (I am waaay simplifying, but that’s the big idea).

Anyway. He has been a spiritual guy for most of his life, and has been really bummed that younger people are really down on the idea of having any sort of connection to God or spirituality. That we have become so disillusioned by fundamentalism and all the junk that comes along with organized religion that we have stopped asking the big questions about life and death and everything in between, and are content to numbing ourselves with the inane trivialities of the modern world (sadly, one of my personal favorite pastimes). In response to these ideas, he has created this really great website called Soul Pancake that is one of the coolest things I’ve seen in a while. The idea is to create a community where people can talk about little and not-so-little ideas about modern spirituality and the world we live in. It opens up a dialogue about these things that can be…well, awkward to talk about.

From the site:
____________________________
What is SoulPancake? Well, it’s more of a mission than a Web site…

We want to make discussions about Spirituality, Creativity, and Philosophy cool again. Were they ever cool? I have no idea. But it seems like a good idea. We want to engage the user to “Chew on Life’s Big Questions”™. (I was kidding about the ™ symbol; you can use that phrase however you want. Even to sell frozen taquitos.) Where do you go on the Interwebs if you want an irreverent, fun, and profound take on God and Art and the Soul and Faith and Beauty? Fox.com? Maybe. But maybe also here at SoulPancake.com.

We provide some rockin’ content (interviews, blogs, challenges, contests, features, and more), but it’s really all about having YOU—the SoulPancake community—bring this site to life. Say what’s on your mind. Be real. Talk about WHY WE’RE HERE. And if I say something that offends you, let me have it.

Just remember: Life is a rich, weird, difficult experience. So join us as we go on the spiritual and artistic journey that is SoulPancake.

Rainn
____________________

His other main intention with the site is to connect spirituality with art in all its forms. The idea is that basically to create is to be like God; so creativity in any form is almost like a prayer; an idea which I have always felt connected to. (A warning: some of the discussions on the site get a little stupid as people come there just to push their own agendas (however dumb they may be) so I would avoid the forums and check out the other stuff to get a real idea of what it’s about). I personally am a fan of the challenges, which are basically looking for artistic answers to big questions.

So, go there, watch the video and check out the site.

Or don’t if it’s not your thing.

Guess what?

Soon I will be following in the footsteps of the great Sam Stiers, Shannon, Brandi and Jen B…because in the Fall of ‘09 I will be attending K-State!

It’s true-I am turning my back on my husband’s beloved Jayhawks and giving all our money to the Wildcats as I pursue my master’s in Drama Therapy (which I will discuss more in-depth later; right now I will just say that I may or may not have to buy a bag of scarves. Ha! But really.)

I am super excited to get into the program as it is only one of three universities in the U.S. to offer this degree and I get to study with a woman who is awesome and very well known/respected in the field. Plus it combines my theatre love/nerdiness with the whole helping people thing I just can’t seem to get over.

So. In order to counteract all the Purple Pride I am soon to be bursting with, we have decided (hilariously) to move to Lawrence. Since I am married to a really nice and understanding guy, he and I will both commute so that my drive will be cut down. This also may be my chance to get my dream part-time job as a night stocker at Target (have I ever mentioned that?)

We are both pretty excited-me to start school and Ryan to be in the Mecca motherland of all things Jayhawk-related.

In the meantime, I’m thinking about this for our new bedroom:

GO STATE!

While in the car driving to get dinner “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life” from Dirty Dancing comes on the radio.

Me: Oh, man, I love this song.
Ryan: Do you know who sang it?
Me: Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes.
Ryan: Damn. You’re right.
(We live in a world of constantly trying to stump each other with music trivia.)
Me: You know, this movie was so huge when we were kids…did you see it in the theatre or rent it?
Ryan: I think we rented it.
Me: Yeah, me too. It’s weird though, that it was called “Dirty Dancing.” It wasn’t really that dirty, in retrospect.
Ryan: Yeah it was. They did the Lambada.
Me: What?
Ryan: Yeah, that’s why they called it “Dirty Dancing.” The Lambada is the dirty dance.
Me: No it’s not. It’s the forbidden dance. Dirty Dancing is just…different. It’s two different things.
Ryan: You are wrong.
Me: Plus, isn’t that movie is set in the ’60s? I think the Lambada is fairly new.
Ryan: If they didn’t do the Lambada then why did they call it “Dirty Dancing?” Huh? See? The Lambada IS the dirty dance.
Me: But-
Ryan: LAMBADA!
Me: We are so looking this up when we get to the restaurant.

EPILOGUE
I was right, but Ryan is still possibly the most entertaining human being I know.

I have been working on a creative project with some kids from a local military base. As I have never set foot onto a base of any sort until a few weeks ago, some of their rules are not familiar to me. Like their “no cell phone use in cars” rule.

So today I pull into the visitor lane at the base checkpoint, waiting to have my car searched and my license info recorded, just like I always do when I get there. As I pulled into line, I ended my call and set my phone down. I reached into my wallet and grabbed my i.d. I then stuck it in between my teeth for a microsecond while I moved my purse and jacket. As the checkpoint lady walked up to me, I noticed she looked a tad, shall we say, sour.

SourLady: Did you know we have a no phones on base rule?
Me: No phones?
SourLady: Yeah, no cell phones.
Me: No cell phones? Like, at all?
(okay, I admit, this was dumb of me to say)
SourLady: (RUDELY): IN CARS, MA’AM.
Me: Oh. Okay. Sorry. I didn’t know. Is it posted anywhere?
SourLady: IT’S THE RULE. THE RULE OF THE BASE. It doesn’t need to be posted because IT IS THE RULE.
Me: Ok…sorry.
(how the hell are non-military people supposed to know non-posted rules?!)
SourLady: I could give you a ticket. A $50 ticket.
Me: Oh. Ok.
(cricket, cricket)
Me: Uh…am I getting a ticket?
SourLady: Not THIS time. But I could give you one. Just know that.
(checkpoint people can issue tickets?! clearly the military works in mysterious ways.)

Meanwhile.

(I hand her my license, she does not take it)
SourLady: (IN A DISGUSTED VOICE) Also, you need to watch where you put your license. I have to TOUCH IT, you know.
Me: (frantically wiping it on my pants and resisting the urge to wipe it on my ASS) Umm…okay. Sorry.

In conclusion, Sour Lady eventually mustered up the courage to touch my syphilis-covered license and FORGOT to check my trunk; thus she did not find the kilo of cocaine, the ten pounds of canker-infested oranges and the fourteen illegal immigrants hiding inside.

Ha ha suckers!