jMcJohnson

I was truly hoping to leave the election in the dust, at least for a while. Being hooked up to cable news intravenously over the last week or so has taken it’s toll, and even I was getting a little sick of it all.

However.

After the nomination of Sarah Palin and the subsequent stream of insanity that has followed, I just can’t leave this one alone. This one’s for the ladies. The liberal and independent ladies.(Sorry neo-con ladies, I’ll not concern myself with you at this point. You’d vote for McCain even if he dragged in Reagan’s corpse to be his running mate. I get it. It’s cool.)

Dear Democratic/Hillary Supporting Women of America,
My condolences. I understand that you are not thrilled that not only was Hillary passed up for the Democratic nod, but she wasn’t even vetted for VP. I get it. I am a Hillary fan. Not so much that I wanted her in over Obama, but I respect and admire her accomplishments. She and her supporters should be proud of all she has achieved. But I ask you this: why were you voting for her? If it was because you believed in universal healthcare; because you respected that she stood strong for Democratic values, because you admired her tenacity and the fact that she was dedicated to preserving Roe v. Wade then hey, no problem. You can stop reading now. You appear to possess common sense, and will obviously be voting Obama/Biden in ‘08.

Have a nice day.

For the rest of you: obviously you have been voting based on the fact that since you have a vagina, you must vote for a woman. Values and ideals be damned; there will be a set of breasts in power in the White House in ‘08, even if they are attached to what basically amounts to a half-full helium balloon wearing glasses and a claw clip.

This makes almost as much sense as me voting for McCain if he had picked a VP named Jamie McCall. Think about it. It follows logically that there has NEVER been a Jamie McCall in the White House and frankly, people named Jamie McCall have been IGNORED by the mainstream media since basically the beginning of recorded history. Now. Imagine that THIS Jamie McCall is pro-sticking forks in your eye, pro-slamming one’s head in a door, anti-oxygen, and uh…likes to put kittens in blenders. Yep, that’s our candidate. Here’s where it gets a little tricky. I pretty much patently disagree with everything that “maverick” McCain has to say, but DAMN. The VP’s name is JAMIE MCCALL. Ever heard of another Jamie McCall being nominated for VP? Yeah, probably not, and you never will again if she doesn’t get elected NOW. Never mind that she grew up in a cave and was raised by wild lemurs and will be a heartbeat away from the Oval Office if McCain croaks-being “qualified” to lead the nation just misses the point: My name is Jamie McCall. McCain has nominated one of my kind. I am a TRAITOR if I turn my back on…uh…myself. True, her beliefs pretty much run counter to EVERYTHING I hold dear in my life, but man, I just GOTTA vote for a Jamie McCall! Because then the country will be fucked but OH WELL! Jamie’s in the White House! Hail to the Me! Because I fancy MYSELF as rather savvy intellectually, and since we have the same name we are essentially the same person right?!?! RIGHT?!?

Stupid, right? Makes not even a modicum of rational sense, right? Right.

Women everywhere should be OUTRAGED and INSULTED that McCain’s pandering politics have sunk this low. To think that liberal women are that IGNORANT of the issues and would vote simply based on GENDER?!?! How misogynistic can you get?!? And yet, I see it happening already. Hillary supporters and generally DUMB BROADS all over doing what amounts to 2+2=3.

Wake. Up. Women!!

We have to show this desperate man that his smoke and mirrors act won’t work on us. Just like we don’t expect blacks to vote for Obama implicitly because he’s black, we cannot expect women to vote for this inexperienced paper tiger of a woman just because she’s lacking a penis.

What would you think of her if her name was Sam Palin and SHE was a HE? After seeing his record and noting his experience and and KNOWING that he’d be just a hair’s breadth away from being Commander in Chief if McCain was out of the picture; what would you think? Would you be EXCITED?What would all these pundits and bloggers think of HIM if HE was the VP?

Disastrous. Un-electable. A SHOCKINGLY irresponsible choice.

So shine a light and see it for what it is, gals. A last ditch effort to trick the weak-minded among us to follow McCain senselessly to the White House. Sarah Palin is no victory for women. She’s just another GOP Trojan horse.

Are we really as dumb as McCain thinks we are?

I pray that we’re not.

Holy crap! Is this really REAL?!

I was STUCO secretary in 8th grade…McCain should have picked me!

Nice try Johnny, too bad I don’t vote with my ovaries.

image via yahoo.com

I have been watching all the coverage from the DNC so far this week and I have been blown away by what I have seen. An election has never been so exciting to me; or so profound or so vitally important. I saw Ted Kennedy, an ailing member of one of the most prominent political families ever give an impassioned speech about what it means to him to be a Democrat. Seeing the video they showed of him and his brothers and what this country meant to them made me tear up; I saw the legacy that they have left for us all; a legacy of putting the people of our country first.

I saw Michelle Obama describe her family in a way that every American can relate to. She spoke about her humble childhood and her passion for people-how being a public servant was her path to peace and happiness. She invoked the memories of Dr. King and the anniversary of women getting the right to vote (a mere 88 years ago!) She talked about Barack’s dream of a country that was truly unified-all races, religions and backgrounds working together to help one another and restore America to greatness.

I saw Dennis Kucinich passionately implore America to wake up after 8 years of sleeping under Bush’s watch.

I saw Hillary Clinton-a brilliant, passionate brave woman-state her case for Barack Obama’s presidency. She came off as strong, well-spoken, and fully behind the candidate that represents us. I felt teary eyed to see this great woman who has come so far speak with such great passion about what she believes-about what our party believes. I know that there are still great things ahead for her, and I can’t help but feel grateful for all her hard work to champion the causes of women-and for letting little girls everywhere believe that in their hearts that EVERY avenue is open for them.

Truly, that is the cause of the Democrat-care for all, no matter what economic bracket you happen to be in, unite all people regardless of background without discrimination, fight for the freedoms we all are entitled to.

If you believe in equal rights and equal opportunities, if you believe that none of us are more important than each of us, if you have hope that the world can be better than it is today then I can’t see how you can cast your vote for anyone besides Barack Obama.

If you want a president who’s best pals with Bush and his cronies, is baffled by the internet and can’t quite remember how many houses he owns, well, I suppose McCain’s your guy.

I implore all my younger friends who will be voting for the first time and my older friends who are undecided or who always vote Republican to take the time to watch, read and listen to the words of the candidates. Don’t vote party lines, don’t vote for who your friends are voting for , but vote with your heart and your MIND. The choice will be clear.

In Hillary’s words: No way. No how. No McCain.

I can’t wait for January 20, 2009. It will truly be the dawning of a new era. An era of peace and real leader who has a vision for our great country and ALL of the people who live here-not just rich, straight, white, old men.

I have never been more hopeful.

image via www.barackobama.com

A Play In One Act

(A couch at 3 PM. Ryan and Jamie have just watched a commercial for the movie “The Women” starring Meg Ryan and every other actress over the age of 35 in Hollywood. They have witnessed a really bad botox joke and some other lame joke about women dating and how stupid men are.)

JAMIE: We are so seeing that this weekend.
RYAN: No.
JAMIE: Oh yes we are. You saw the commercial, it looks hilaaaarious.
RYAN: Absolutely not.
JAMIE: What would it take to get you to the theatre to see that movie?
RYAN: I wouldn’t see that movie even if it was called “The Naked Women.”
JAMIE: Wow. That’s really saying something.
RYAN: You can see that I’m serious about not seeing that movie.

(Blackout)

So tonight, after an EPIC journey to purchase a freaking laser printer (one of the things I miss most about working in an office: free, unlimited printing) I was hungry. Hungry for something specific.

All I could think about was a steak taco. A delicious steak-y, avocado covered, crema drizzled STEAK TACO. The only problem? I am not in Chicago, home of the world’s best steak taco.

However. I was close to the Hispanic Price Chopper in my ‘hood. Price Chopper is a chain of grocery stores in KC. I have been to many of them, but this one is the Hispanic one. How do I know this?

1. There is a tortilla bakery in the store. That’s right; they have a deli, a meat counter, the regular bakery and a tortilla bakery. That bakes tortillas.
2. The hot peppers have their own ROW in the produce department. Not a bin, or a couple shelves, an ENTIRE ROW.
3. There is an aisle labeled “Hispanic Snacks.” If only I were Hispanic and could see what was down that aisle. Sigh.

Anyway, Hispanic Price Chopper had everything I needed. I came home (at 8:30, just in case you’re wondering) and proceeded to cook a steak. Here’s where things went slightly awry.

See, I couldn’t figure out what cut of beef would be best for the tacos, so I bought the first cheap, non-fatty, thin piece of meat I could find. I was so hungry and really just wanted to shove a taco in my food hole as fast as humanly possible. Besides, we all know that the meat is basically a vehicle for the cheese, sour cream and avocado, right? Right.

So the meat was…different. It did cook up rather quickly and since I was too lazy to even get out my grill pan, I just cooked it in a frying pan. Yeah. I don’t recommend that. When I took a bite of it, it was basically chewy, dry and flavorless. Did that stop me? Hell no. It was edible, so by God, I was going to eat it.

I felt like an alcoholic drinking hairspray or something. No vodka? No problem! I’ll just spray Aqua Net in my mouth until I see double. Same difference!

Anyway, I sliced the meat up into chewy, shoe leather-esque strips and piled on the crema, avocado, cheese and pico de gallo (again, thank you Hispanic Price Chopper). And it was…good! All the other stuff masked the questionable flavor of the meat and just like that, I was eating a steak taco.

I felt simultaneously satisfied to be eating (almost) exactly what I wanted and slightly horrified/sad that I cooked a steak at 8:45 at night because I had to submit to a craving.

Now I have had my taco and Ryan can eat the leftovers for his second dinner at 4 AM.
All is right with the world.

~Katy Hawley visited unexpectedly this weekend. It was So. Much. Fun! We didn’t do anything all that exciting, but it was really nice to get to drink some booze, eat some bar-b-q, and hang out talking with a friend until 4 AM.
She needed to be here and we needed her to be here. It all just worked out perfectly. Pictures to come including Katy riding in a shopping cart! Get excited!

~ I am embarking on Homemade Cake #2 this weekend for Matt’s 30th. I am thinking milk chocolate with chocolate buttercream. Wish me luck!

~Also for Matt’s b-day we will be seeing Bruce Springsteen on Sunday! I am frantically trying to get caught up on my Bruce listening…I am admittedly a bit behind. He’ll play “Dancing In the Dark,” right?

~Ryan and I went to the Missouri State Fair last weekend. It was truly a spectacle. I have tons of pictures and I promise to post of them soon. You will laugh, cry, and probably be happy you don’t live in Missouri. Unless you do. Then you’ll feel like we do.

~Working Out Update: It is still in effect. At least three times a week, sometimes five. I am feeling really great and looking like a stone cold fox. Ha! Seriously though, it has been really amazing to me that I have stuck to it as well as I feel that I have. Go me!

~Bought Space Bags. We’ll see how this turns out.

~Can people who do not own property have yard sales? I really want to have one in early September, but alas, I only rent my yard (and my apartment). Thoughts?

~Getting a haircut Wednesday. NOT a lame trim but a Hair. Cut. Not super short but probably 4-6 inches off. Please pray for me as I am very nervous.

~Ryan and I have made the initial switch to hippie crystal deodorant. My deodorant was giving me a rash and then I read that it could possibly kill me (via the alumimum in commercial deodorants) and Ryan was intrigued and wanted to live too, so here we are, rubbing a wet crystal under our armpits every morning. Whee!

~It is Resume Week at my house! I am updating my artist’s resume as well as my working resume. It is boring and tedious, but I will be much more employ-able (in the freelance sense) when I am done.

~Finally, I cannot stop eating this:

It’s Lesser Evil’s delicious chocolate/not chocolate kettle corn. It is seriously addictive.
Please send help.

They deem me mad because I will not sell my days for gold; and I deem them mad because they think my days have a price.
~Khalil Gibran

Oh Chicago, whenever I return to your dusty banks, I can’t quite remember why I ever left.

Matt and Ryan, reading the map after we were re-routed due to a closed highway in Iowa

Living up to his nickname, Captain TwoShakes

We ate so much Mexican food…I am still dreaming of steak tacos with avocado and crema

Hi Boo!

Alison's famous...uh... pork loin

Garage guys

Not awkward at all.

Should we really be taking shots?

Yes, we should.

Beautiful Stephanie.

Aaaaand then Dave put a bowl on his head.

Aaaand THEN Amanda licked ZQ's butt.

Off to see the Cubs.

Fun-just to your right.

He's so precious when he's sleeping.

Because Kooky wouldn't DREAM of giving your kid nightmares.

Southport stop, on our way home.

Umm, duh.

Found! In Des Moines! Our favorite squirt bottles!

Till next we meet, Chi-City.

(I have started this post no less than five times since Friday.)

Needless to say, there were people from all over the place waiting to hear the news; a fantastic support system just waiting in the wings to swoop in and just take care…of Misty, of Samaire, of Sam…of anyone who needed anything. After a over a week of anxious anticipation all around, she arrived. When we got the “It’s A Girl!” message on Friday I just felt a shiver run through my entire body. I cried…spontaneously, suprisingly, and with much relief. They were ok. She was here. All was well.

I have had friends have babies before and Ryan and I have a nephew that we both love a lot. But this particular birth felt different to me. It felt so…real. It felt so adult. It felt so monumentous.

The night she was born, I went digging for a box of photos in my hall closet. I went in with the idea that I was just going to move the box, but in the back of my mind I knew better. In no time at all I found what I was looking for. I had to see us one more time. Before it was all different forever. Tucked back behind the last divider were the high school pictures. And there we were. In flannel shirts and embarassing glasses, in front of little red convertibles, eating frozen lemonade at Disney, in awkwardly organized stances with the friends who make up our history.

Beneath the photos were the letters. Stacks of them in multicolored envelopes, decorated with fancy doodles, filled with secrets only we knew. Supportive. Conspiratorial. Still…alive, somehow. Like I could unfold the paper and jump in between the sentences and close my eyes and I’d be there again…my 17 year old self in all her awkward glory. Always leaning on and admiring her friend who was (and still is) an inspired artist. Those girls. Struggling to understand themselves and each other as the landscapes around them constantly changed. Feeling so acutely the push and pull of figuring it all out. Feeling like everything in this world was possible…

And now that Samaire is here, I know that it all still is. In a different way but maybe now more than ever before; for all of us.

And I get it. I just…for the first time I really get it.

Happy birthday sweet girl. See you in September.