It’s sort of frustrating to have a blog when the only things you are really inspired to write about are kind of off limits to your general readership. For example, I try to avoid writing anything too personal about myself or my family/friends or anything about my job. Unfortunately, these topics cover about all that’s cooking in my life right now, soooo….
on to the boring minutia!
Let’s see…I did clean out our overflowing bookshelf today and in the process found some pretty interesting artifacts, such as:
1. A box containing every card and ticket stub I have accumulated over the past two plus years.
2. A gallon of bubble solution
3. Receipts from 1998 (?!)
4. Photos of our nephew from ultrasound to age 2.
5. Various Burger King toys from recent weekend 4 AM trips to BK (I blame Ryan)
6. A curling iron
7. Licorice
8. A plush stuffed bean wearing a sombrero that farts when you squeeze it
Note how none of these items has anything to do with books and/or reading. Where does all this junk come from? It’s no wonder the bookshelf is literally buckling under the weight of all the crap on it, even after removing the bulk of it the shelves are still looking pretty saggy.
Which leads me to a list I have been making in my head recently of Things I Will No Longer Do. The list has just started, but so far I have:
I Will No Longer:
1. Buy anymore plywood furniture from Target.
2. Eat at Applebees, Chipotle or Chili’s (unless it is absolutely unavoidable)
3. Buy messed up clothes from NBC 1/2 of 1/2 (weird clothing store full of stained, hole-y, cheap stuff that I used to buy and vow to fix but NEVER have)
4. Go to the beach (unless I feel like it)
5. Wear shorts (until I can find some that aren’t super-short, give me mom-ass or are just long enough that they look like jacked up capri pants)
I felt really liberated once I started saying no to things I just hate.
Have you seen hulu.com? I have been singing it’s praises all week because I think it’s so cool. It has TV shows, TV clips and movies (both recent and classic) all free to watch with a reasonable amount of advertising to endure. Frankly, I think it’s worth it just to watch clips like this:
I haven’t looked at my blog stats for a really long time, so I thought I’d take a peek tonight. It basically tells you how much traffic you are getting, compares traffic over time and can even tell you what months, days and hours you have the most people on your site. Pretty cool. It also has a section that tells you where people are getting onto your site, whether it’s by going directly there or if it’s a link on another site. I have friends with blogs, and so of course it showed all their sites, but there was one site I had never seen before. It was www.(something I can’t remember)mature+ass.
What the f?!
I am frankly less offended that some gross porn site has some sort of link to my blog than the fact that it is some site for MATURE ASS. Mature?! That means old! I had to check this out, so I went to the site. It was partially in some other language (maybe arabic?) and it was basically all these links to pictures and videos of women’s butts and these gross stories of this guy’s …”love life” and a bunch of random photos. Some were of celebrities, some were landscape shots and sure enough, as I scroll down, I see this picture:
Whoa buddy, keep it in your pants when you see this MATURE ASS.
Now, if the site were about people who acted like IMmature assES, then, yes, the photo would be completely appropriate. But as it stands, Ahmad has it all wrong with this one.
And now, for you amusement, here are some search phrases that people used to find my blog (these are phrases people typed into google and then my blog popped up and they clicked on it):
leatherface
peanut butter haystacks
long john silver
animal hybrids
snake stomach exploded
long brown hair hot (umm…yeah)
leo horoscope
ass fell out (wtf?!)
Holy crap. I may need to rethink my presence on the internet…and stop writing about the time my ASS FELL OUT.
