jMcJohnson

Last December 26th, I bought a 7 1/2 foot Christmas tree from K-Mart at half price. It has been a grand exercise in self control not to open it in the past 340-some days. But now the time has come! We put it up last Sunday. Behold!

If you shake a tree branch over your cat’s head, he will attack your hand…

…and then hide in a trash bag. Coward!

It snowed and iced today. I even got out of work early! Hooray Christmas! Hooray winter!

FROM THE GRAD SCHOOLYARD:
THE DIARRHEA SONG.

BY JAKE SWEARINGEN, EDWARD FAIRCHILD, AND SAM KING

- - - -

When you’re analyzing Joyce
and your butthole has no choice:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

When you’re paraphrasing Bloom
and you’re stinking up the room:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

When you’re quoting Schopenhauer
and release a dirty shower:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

When you’re citing Marcel Proust
and you feel that doo-doo juice:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

When you’re laughing at Voltaire
and you flood your underwear:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

We have an artist (and I use that term loosely) working at my school that has just decided to leave. Let’s call him Al. Al wants to leave for various reasons, some I know, some I don’t know, but mostly because he was upset that he couldn’t kick a kid out of his class that he didn’t like. This kid was not a troublemaker, not a non-participator, he just didn’t get the subject matter as quickly as the rest of the students. Granted, at this point in the kid’s life (he is a teenager), he should be grasping these artistic concepts, however, he is not. So instead of taking the time to help him, instead of letting him work at his own pace, instead of showing him a little kindness and understanding, Al decided the best way to “teach” this kid was to humiliate him in front of the class. Repeatedly. Al is exceptionally hard on all of his students (because of his artistic pedigree, I suppose he thinks that’s his right) but this kid bore the brunt of his harshest criticisms. Al came in tonight bragging and laughing about how he cursed at this student and nearly made him cry. He was SMILING when he recounted this story.

What a fucker.

I am of course glad that he is leaving, but some parents are devestated. They think his particular brand of discipline will somehow make their kids better artists, but in truth, all it does is create more little Al’s. Because in my mind, the reason Al is such a dick is because someone else treated him that way when he was young. Now’s his chance to boost his fragile ego by bossing someone else around who can’t/won’t fight back. And he gets away with it because of his resume. This makes me so angry. If you have the credentials, you can just waltz in and get jobs on name alone and then abuse everyone around you in the name of your “craft.” I don’t buy it. I would rather have a teacher with a less impressive resume and an open heart and mind than some idiot with a mile long resume and a chip on his shoulder any day.

How do these people continue to work? Because places like my school keep hiring them. In defense of my workplace, this dude was definitely on the verge of getting fired (he also had the most bloated salary of any of our instructors) but he should have been canned a long time ago. We can’t send the messsage to young people that acting like this is ok. Ever.

I hope the door doesn’t hit Al’s ass on the way out.

Nah, I hope it does.

Some things are too private even for the internet. You live a quiet life, steeped in fear…the fear that someone will find out about you. About your secret. Well I’m sick of hiding.

I love the show “Boy Meets World.”

It’s true. I loved it when it was a part of TGIF on ABC, and I love it now in the evenings on ABC Family. I love Corey, Topanga, Eric and Shawn. I love that Mr. Feeney found a way to teach at every school Corey ever attended. I love that the show was on for EIGHT YEARS. Corey started in early middle school and ended up married to Topanga. The jokes were really lame, the plots were weak and the whole premise was ridiculously simple-but it makes me laugh out loud whenever I watch it. Here’s how simple the show was-check out the theme song lyrics:

When this Boy Meets World
Boy Meets World
Wandering down this road, that we call life
Is what we’re doin’
It’s good to know I have friends that will always
Stand by me
When this Boy Meets World.

Uhh…yeah. It seems like it’s translated into English from like, German or something, yet it’s catchy as hell! When Ryan worked until 4am at his job in FL, I had a lot of trouble sleeping, so I would watch it on Disney at like, 2am. I fell in love all over again. If you haven’t watched it recently (or ever!) you should give it a shot. You won’t be disappointed.

Okay, I outed myself. What show are you embarassed to love?

Geez, I haven’t posted for nine days…what’s that about?

So what’s been going on? Glad you asked.

I saw Borat last weekend. I thought it was so freaking hilarious. I’ve heard a lot of people are hating it which is weird to me. I guess if you are easily offended, it’s not the movie for you. Perhaps you should watch “The Santa Clause 3″ instead. I heard there is less nudity.

I really want to join a gym, but my all-or-nothing attitude is whispering in my ear, “you will just eat shit until Christmas anyway. what’s the point?”

Dems win!! Today felt like Christmas. Finally, the US wakes up from the Bush-induced coma. If you live in the Midwest, and you vote Republican, you’re just not thinking. Let’s hope that the Dems can make some real change and override this corrupt administration.

I made this recipe that Emily gave me for O’Henry bars and they are sooo good! Like peanut butter rice krispie treats covered in chocolate…thanks Emily!

I wish Ryan would let me put the Christmas tree up, but he won’t.

Last weekend we went to a little bonfore at Carrie’s landlord’s house. It was so much fun. These are two of the nicest people have ever met…they are in their 50’s, total hippies, and just filled with good energy and great stories. They are so accepting and open to the joys of life, including other people. Sometimes it’s so easy to stay in your comfort zone and never open yourself up to new experiences or people, but to me, that’s how you grow, even if it feels weird.

So many celebrities getting divorced…Britney and K-Fed, Chris Rock and his wife, Reese and Ryan…if these idiots would talk to their SPOUSES instead of another man/woman, maybe they’d still have a marriage. I have no sympathy for cheaters of any kind. It’s selfish and repugnant. They deserve what they get.

Today it was 80 degrees. I blame the Republicans.

Breakfast is amazing. Here’s what I’m having this week: Blueberry Nutri Grain waffles and turkey sausage with delicious syrup. What do you like for breakfast?