Totally ego-driven people blow my mind.
Now, I have an ego. It comes out from time to time to do its little “hey, look at me” tap dance. My pride gets hurt, I think I am irrationally right about something (that I turn out to be TOTALLY wrong about), and I get bossy. It happens. I do my best to recognize it and move on or apologize, whichever is necessary. Then it gets smited by the rational part of my brain and goes back to lurking deep in my psyche.
Most people can do that, too. Some people, cannot.
These are the know-it-alls. The wonder killers. The loud talkers. The inconsiderate. The selfish. The instigators. The people you dread to see and engage in conversation. One of these people is playing a rather large role in my life right now, and it’s bringing up a lot of questions for me.
What is the purpose of the ego-driven life? I recently read a book that deals a lot with ego, and it talked at length about how ego-driven action is based on peoples’ deep seated fear of death. That the ego wants to survive at any cost to avoid death (being wrong, being percieved as weak, etc.) so it will fight (even irrationally) to survive. We all have ego impulses every day. In the creative world, I think it’s maybe even more common than in the rest of the population. So much rests for so many people on the compulsive need to always be right. No matter what. From schoolyard bullies to leaders of the free world. Some people would rather die than to be proven wrong.
Which leads me to this. I have been thinking so much lately about life and its purpose and what we are here for, and I can only come up with one thing. Ever. In my mind, we are put here to help and serve others. In whatever capacity we can. Anything else is a waste of time. I’m talking about the big stuff, not like, “don’t waste your time taking a shit because it doesn’t help anyone.” I’m talking about leaving your mark by what you have done for others. There are a million different ways to accomplish this, from being a garbage man and serving your community to being an investor and helping people make money to…whatever else you can think of. A life of service can mean almost anything, if that’s the goal you have in mind as you do it.
Obviously, I don’t think I discovered anything that billions of others haven’t thought of before, but when I put it into action in my life, my life changes. Which is why seeing these ego monsters is so perplexing to me. A life driven by ego and the desire to look out only for yourself creates the most insanely cynical world view, and it shows in every single thing you do. You know who I’m talking about. Everyone knows these people because they are everywhere. Now, I’ve heard all the theories about how everything we do is selfish, there is no true selfless act, etc., and that’s a point I don’t wish to argue. Frankly, it’s too depressing. I guess I just think that our lives could improve individually and the world could improve as a whole if we all looked out for each other more and for only ourselves less. Cutting someone down is simple. Losing your patience is a snap. Being nice when you’re having a good day isn’t hard. But showing kindness when someone treats you like shit is tough. Letting that potential ego moment pass is not easy. It’s not about getting walked on, it’s about seeing the other human side of the situation. And that’s where you turn the corner. When you can start to do that, crazy things start to happen. Irrationally good things. Stuff you used to dream about.
I fail at this constantly. Many times a day. But when I get it right, just once in some small way, it feels almost like the way a great memory feels. Perfect and true.
I’m very interested in what you think about all this.
