jMcJohnson

Our cat has been found.

Hooray!

Our cat ran away two days after we left for Salina.

We won’t be back in FL for two more weeks.

I am heartbroken.

This week has been the Week Of Responsibility. Meaning I have not depended on anyone else for much of anything. Normally, I like a bit of guidance in the work aspect of my life. Just a little pat on the back and a “good job. you are not fucking this up too badly. carry on.” Two things have made that impossible this week: Time and Space. I have ran 50,000 errands for work this week. I have Made Decisions Alone. I have Told People “No.”

I wish I had a picture of the 700 lists I have made this week. I mean, I could take one, but that would take time away from my Accomplishing Stuff time. Making shit happen is addictive. I hate returning calls and talking on the phone about work stuff more than almost anything, and I have done it several times this week. I have fooled people into thinking I Know What’s Going On. I have worked in the morning. I have worked at night. I seem to be developing what my parents called “pride in my work.” I have never experienced this before. It is quite unexpected.

My prior jobs have consisted of clock watching, finagleing my way out of work, and half-assing everything. At my last job, when my boss was out of town I used to watch T.V. We didn’t have cable, so there was really no picture, but I would just listen to soap operas all day and take two-hour lunches (sorry, huge non-profit I used to work for). I don’t do that now. I think I am beginning to…sort of…maybe…possibly…enjoy what I do.

Today was great. After a long day of fun working on stuff, I made this mexican casserole for dinner and then me and R went down to Las Olas and got ice cream and walked around in the early evening. It was so beautiful outside today, and this evening was perfect. (Leave it to fucking Florida to start being MARGINALLY tolerable as soon as I get one foot out the door).

The closer we get to leaving, the more I think about these last two years. They have been, without a doubt, the most transformative years of my life so far. When we first got married, the minister who married us told us that the best thing we could do for our first two years of marriage was to live away from our families. That makes perfect sense now. I thnk we have had a good run down here-the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. A lot of this we will take with us when we go, and I think we will leave an equal amount behind. I wish I could see myself now as it was then, two years ago, just married and starting the chapter we are getting ready to close now.

I would give me a hug.

I would tell me to get a helmet.

Ordering shirts from this place…
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Movin Right Along
(slight modifications by me)

Movin’ right along in search of good times and good news,
With good friends, you can’t lose,
This could become a habit.
Opportunity knocked once, let’s reach out and grab it,
Together we’ll nab it.
We’ll hitch-hike, bus, or yellow cab it.

Movin’ right along, foot-loose and fancy free.
Gettin’ there is half the fun; come share it with me.
Movin’ right along (doog-a-doon, doog-a-doon)
We’ll learn to share the load.
We don’t need a map to keep this show on the road.

Movin’ right along we found a life on the highway,
And your way is my way, so trust my navigation.
Kansas City here we come, that pie-in-the-sky land.
Fountains and good friends, though sadly we just left Rhode Island.

Movin’ right along, we’re truly birds of a feather,
We’re in this together, and you know where you’re goin’.
Movie stars with flashy cars and life with the top down.
We’re stormin’ the big town.
Yeah! Storm is right, should it be snowin’?

Movin’ right along, do I see signs of men?
Yeah, “welcome” on the same post that says “come back again.”
Movin’ right along, foot-loose and fancy free.
You’re ready for the big time, is it ready for me?

Movin’ right along
Movin’ right along

Carrie has been really into her horoscope lately…so I thought I would check mine.

Leo:
Ain’t nothin’ like the real thing, and you’re determined to find it no matter what. It might take a little time and effort — not to mention travel — but heck, you’re up for it. Adventure is practically your middle name.

I will make this true.

This site has the answer.

Seriously.

To anything.
Ask MetaFilter | Community Weblog

Today my mom called me to let me know that my Grandma’s house was sold. It was on the market for all of one day. It wasn’t particularly new or large, but to the family that bought it, it was perfect. It’ s strange to think about other people living in her house, although it hasn’t really been hers for quite a while. My grandma has alzheimers, so she hasn’t been home in about five years. She’s pretty much lived in bed in a nursing home, sleeping, eating a little and mostly just staring into space. It’s strange, because sometimes I forget she is still there. Honestly, in my mind, the real her died about three years ago, when she stopped recognizing anyone from the family, stopped talking, stopped smiling. I don’t mean that to sound harsh, but from what I’ve seen of this disease, it sort of takes your mind away and leaves your body to just…exist.

When she first became ill, she would get confused, and talk about the past and generally not make a lot of sense, but I could look in her eyes and she was still…herself. You could see she was still in there. She would make jokes and laugh at her own forgetfulness. Sometimes, she would cry when she couldn’t place a person’s face or if she forgot the word for something. I imagine she was very scared. Eventually, the disease took over to the point where she didn’t even realize that she was forgetting. Now, she looks remarkably young, almost like a child. She looks up at you when you walk in the room, then closes her eyes again. It’s hard to believe that this woman was ever my laughing, round little Grandma, who grew the most beautiful roses on the block. I wonder what she’s aware of, where her mind is.

I asked a person (who’s advice I value a great deal) once why God would let people live like this, as shells of their former selves. She told me that maybe my Grandma wasn’t around for herself, but for me or for my Mother, so that we could get something from it. I’m still not really sure what that is. Maybe I’m not meant to know yet. But all I can see is a person who’s mind is worn out. And while I certainly don’t wish for her to pass away, I’d give five more years of her life like this to have one more day with her the way she used to be.

Florida
MySpace
South Florida Gay Dude Attitude (not gay dudes in general, just the attitude)
Tom Cruise
Howl At The Moon
Tramp Stamps
Driving
Not being able to hear the TV at the gym
Boob jobs
Looking for a swimsuit that simultaneously covers my ass and cans
Summer (and it’s not even here yet)
Responsibility
Caring about eating healthy
Cleaning my apartment when I’m only going to move out in three months anyway
Laundry
Children (their voices)
My split ends
Stage moms
Cat turds
The sun

That pretty much covers it. For now.

I’m sure the Blue Angels are cool…when they’re not flying 200 FEET ABOVE YOUR HOUSE.