Why does brushing your teeth take so freaking long?
Why can’t a pill or a button do it?
I hate the messy toothpaste. I hate the minty-ness of toothpaste (the flavored kind doesen’t leave me feeling fresh, thanks for asking). I hate drinking my sink water to rinse when I don’t have bottled water available. I hate leaving my wet toothbrush exposed fothe toilet water to spray and ants to walk across (I have a toothbrush cover and ant traps, thanks again for asking).
I mean, I know it’s necessary, and I DO do it, but I hate it. I am like a seven year old when it comes to teeth brushing. And showering. And getting my way.
Is anyone working on teeth-brushing technology?
Anyone?
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again:
I wish I had dentures.
I’m so thrilled that I spent all week busting ass at the gym so I could have BoozeFest 2006 this weekend. What the hell is wrong with me?
My bowling team, Pee-Wee’s Playhouse. My bowling score: 41 (NOT A TYPO)
This is my new friend Dove. Hi Dove!
The Woodman.
By the end of the night, biting Carrie’s head seemed like a good idea.
of a couple photos from Misty and Sam’s forthcoming (I swear!) wedding album…
I call it, “Beauty and the Beast.” (ha ha)
I like this one, too.
Great memories of a great day…
As I sit typing on the computer I start to hear Ryan muttering to himself in the next room.
“Eight…eight…eight…two…two…”
He’s solving Sudoku’s in my puzzle book. Out loud.
I’m in love. (still)
When I stepped outside my door a few days ago, this was on my porch.
We should be getting danger pay just for living in this state.
On an entirely unrelated note, happy birthday to my friend Amanda…she has been a great friend over the years, but the most important thing she taught me was to always move your feet while dancing, don’t just move your torso. I have applied that knowledge at every wedding I have ever attended. Hope you have a great day!
Guess what? It’s Leroy’s birthday!
Here he is about an hour away from his total hip replacement last October. This was the last time he smiled for the next eight weeks.
For those of you lucky enough to know Leroy, you know how truly fantastic he is. If not, here’s a short rundown of some fun facts:
1. He never wears a shirt at home. Ever. He will hug you with no shirt on. Be ready for that.
2. He is the most flatulent human being ever born of a woman.
3. My dad will laugh so hard that he has a coughing fit. I’m not sure if this is cute or just dangerous.
4. If you call my dad’s house in Salina and ask for me (if I happen to be at home visiting) he will inevitably tell you I am in the bathroom.
5. Leroy pronunciations are as follows:
“srimp”-shrimp
“Eye-talian”-Italian
“what-I-wanna-call”- what he says before he describes something
6. My dad has been sober for 32 years. He has probably helped over a hundred other people in Salina get and stay that way.
7. He is nearly legally blind in his left eye. He is also a Class B State Champion trap shooter.
8. My Dad used to enter his truck in car stereo competitions. He won a few, too.
9. He always calls me “kid”
10. Leroy has cracked a rib mowing the yard. Twice.
11. My dad may know every single person living in Salina. He also remembers none of their names. If he knows you, he will call you by the wrong name at some point.
12. He beat up a guy who tried to mug him with a MagLite. When I asked him (jokingly) if he killed him, he said “Maybe.” This was only like, five years ago. Don’t fuck with him!
Leroy story from my childhood: We were in a toy store when I was about seven, and he told me it was time to go. I begged him to let me stay for five more minutes. He finally relented (after much begging). I started to walk away to go look around and I turned around to face him and said, “I knew you’d see it my way.” (I had a bad habit of repeating things I had heard on TV.)
He literally grabbed the collar of my t-shirt and and the back belt loop of my pants and hauled my smart-ass out of there.
There’s also the famous story of the first time I said the F-word while watching Hee-Haw, but I’ll save that for another time.
Happy Birthday Dad. I wish more than anything I could be there to celebrate with you…I’ll see you in about a month!
In Honor Of Finishing Our Taxes:
All our deductions
may or may not be legal.
I blame Turbo Tax.
Of course I have a
Large home office, Uncle Sam.
Hence, my deductions!
We moved up to a
Higher tax bracket, so we
Get to pay more. Great.
One good thing about
Florida? No state income
Tax! Ha ha suckas!
Last night I dreamed that me and my friend Stephanie were looking for a museum. We started out in this boat, and I was sailing it around and I suddenly realized we were going the wrong way. “We’ve gotta get out of the bay,” I announced as I sailed around this weird island. Then, suddenly we were walking on land, and I knew we were going the wrong way, but it was a way I had gotten to the museum before, so, even though it was wrong, I knew we’d eventually get there. We did, and the museum was sort of a mall with art hanging all over it. We met Ryan and Carrie and Joe there, and I decided I would take off all my clothes and run through the museum. Everyone was all “Don’t do it!” but it was too late, I was already nude. I ran past all these conference rooms filled with people in suits, and I was naked and I was laughing my head off. I rushed back to my clothes and was trying to dress as fast as I could, but the museum manager came up and asked me if I had just streaked through the museum and I didn’t say anything. He told me that they had gotten several complaints of a naked person running around and I still didn’t say anything (I was nude through all of this, btw). He was like “Just stop running around nude, okay? This is a place of business.” So he left, and I started laughing and all my friends were like “That was not cool.”
What does all this mean?
